This might be the most important blog post if I’ve ever written one! ha. I mean, it feels impossible to measure all the priceless ways my life has become valuable. But beyond that, to compare it to where it once was seems jarring. It seems almost too wide a chasm to think that it’s the same person that has taken up space in this existence.
Now, first a caveat: whether you’ve known me my whole life or for only 2 minutes, you’ve probably gathered that I have a penchant for the dramatic! Everything feels bigger, more intense, & more passionate in my world. I’ve learned to embrace that & enjoy it even, but it’s good for you to know that before we go on. If you relate to this trait at all, what you’ll read ahead will be even more poignant.
My life felt really hard all the time. I felt suffocated by responsibilities that were right in front of me and restricted from what I really wanted. Frustration surfaced a lot. I felt empty but overwhelmed & busy but unfulfilled. I felt it was my job to do more, because if I could accomplish more I would feel better about myself. In the meantime, I liked my marriage, but I didn’t love it, and I knew I ‘should’ be a stay-at-home Mom but I felt alone and bored.
This went on for years. I had reached desperation levels before I finally realized how bad things were. Enter stage right: a chance for personal development. This cost money. It didn’t seem like it was responsible to spend the money on a 12 week course when other things were more of a priority. The trouble was, they’d always be more of a priority until I put myself as a priority.
What I know now has helped me see this one true thing: Investing in yourself is the best money you’ll ever spend. Why? I shall reveal my top 5 compelling reasons below. Drum roll, please…
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I LOVE my life. Truly, I do, and it’s kind of crazy because it’s not much different than when I was in The Struggle, but I have changed in so many ways, I see things much differently. I no longer wait for my dreams to be fulfilled to be happy. I no longer wish away the hard stuff. I no longer expect my husband to be different so that I can feel like we have a great marriage. I love all the parts of my life now, because I want to and I choose to. Operating from this space, from a place of love, has required me to love me, just as I am, & this is where a lot of my clients get stuck.
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I VALUE who I am and what I can share with the world. This means knowing what my strengths are & means being willing to put myself out there in order to share. But I know at my core who I am and that helps me align with my purpose, and therefore, I have a drive that rarely existed before. This shows up in my parenting, my business, and my marriage. They have all improved because I know who I am & I show up as that person more often.
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I live with more INTENTION. I will always be a free spirit looking for the next adventure, but the difference now is that I’m no longer looking outside myself for these adventures. I wanted luck to orchestrate my life. I wanted the people around me to be different so that my life could be better. Now, it’s more important to me to choose my reactions, to create my personal space (or, bubble as I call it) the way I want it, and to opt in to growth no matter what. This means opting out of criticizing & complaining—and I’m not 100% perfect at that, but WAY better than I used to be.
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Life is MORE FUN! Honestly, when you carry around hurts, wounds, and offenses, life gets heavy. It’s hard to have fun when you’re weighed down with so much stuff. When I go about looking for the good, I find it. When I go about finding evidence that my life is full of cool experiences, I find myself in the middle of some awesome experiences! Many, many years ago, I lived by the motto “If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right” & I’m happy to say I’ve finally figured out how to do it right. The first step of this is knowing what’s fun for you & then living in that way—it requires wearing blinders to the fun others are having & a deep loyalty to your unique definition of fun.
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I now practice RADICAL RESILIENCY. My problems haven’t gone away, I still have them, & I even have new ones! I still get my feelings hurt, I still get frustrated, and I still fantasize about running away with the circus (ok, not really), I just fantasize about getting on an airplane and going somewhere, but I rebound so much faster than I used to. These incidents are generally just a blip on my radar rather than something that takes me out for days or weeks on end. I have the tools, and use the tools often, to process my emotions. My intention is to be very responsible for my own emotions, rather than dump them on others or expect others to fix me. I want to pay attention to every emotion, so I don’t push them away or bury them, but I do want to keep moving forward, so I don’t let any emotion keep me down for long.
There you have it, the denouement of the novel of my life. The author moving forward is now me. Although unwritten, I know the ending. I’m happy, fulfilled, confident, and I save the world by changing one thought at a time.