When You and Your Spouse Don’t Match

By June 8, 2018August 12th, 2019No Comments

I was disappointed for a long time that my Michael wasn’t as passionate about anything as much I was.

“Let’s go camping!” I’d exuberantly exclaim.

“Ok,” he’d reply.

“I’m going to start a business!!” I’d proclaim proudly.

“Do it,” he’d state matter of factly.

“Let’s travel the world!” I’d dreamily propose.

“I’m not interested, but go with a friend,” he’d counter offer.

It almost sounds silly, but I was gravely concerned at this disconnect. Were we really made for each other? Were we going to make it? Would I be satisfied for the rest of my life with someone that seemingly couldn’t feel at the level I experience life? If nothing else, it was glaringly obvious: We did not match.

It was especially hard because I didn’t feel loved. I love words! I mean, I really, really love words and languish without them. Words of affirmation are my way of knowing I’m okay. I coast off of a good compliment for months! For years I longed for this from him & in its absence I grew convinced that he simply couldn’t, or didn’t, love me.

This is no way to live in a marriage and I don’t recommend it.

I sought out ways to see that he loved me outside of the way I wanted to see it. It turns out that my Michael is a service star! True story. A five star service star, in fact. He jumps in before I ask with help on the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, putting sheets on the bed, and prepping dinner! He drops everything, if I need it, and comes to my aid. He shines when it’s time to nurture and nurse me back to health when I’m ill.

This is how he shows love. I shudder to think about all the years that went by without me recognizing it for what it was. I am incredibly loved! Not only loved, but cared for and respected for exactly who I am. Just as I am.

This gift is what I’ve tried to pass on to everyone else I meet.

No, we don’t match.

And now, I know it doesn’t matter.

What we are together is so much better than being the same. What we are together is a forging of super skills and it only gets stronger as we fill it with more love.

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